AFAR WEDDING

Several weeks ago we were invited to visit the bride and groom the day after their traditional Islamic Afar wedding ceremony. The groom was Ali, our local Gendarme, and his young bride was Kadiga, our kitchen helper. They were married in Dabala-Gahar, the small village across from our compound at Lac Assal, Djibouti.

The wedding ceremony and after-party took place on a Thursday afternoon and evening under two tents that were put up in the village. One tent was for the actual wedding ceremony. Only men are allowed to attend the wedding ceremony itself. It is a religious ceremony with much reading out of the Koran. The wife is represented by her father.

The women celebrate in another tent away from the men and their celebration has no religious content. We saw videos of the bride, Kadiga, dressed in a very European style hoop-skirted light yellow wedding dress posing and dancing with her girlfriends. After their separate ceremonies, they meet with their family and friends and party all night long. There is lots of Palm wine for some of the guests(although Afar Muslims do not drink alcohol) and lots of Khat. The celebration ended around 5 am in the morning. Most Djiboutian weddings, as do most other parties,take place in the evening and last until the wee hours of the morning.

The groom had asked us to come to the village at 10 am in the morning on Friday. We arrived at the compound and were told that someone would come and get us a 1:30. Djiboutians are never on time. I think they were still recovering from their all night celebrations.

Around that time, John and I were escorted down to the Ghoubet by the groom's friends who are also our Salt Investment employees, where we were served a traditional meal of three-colored rice and goat. It was served at a shaded table with cool breezes coming off the Ghoubet and with silverware and individual plates just for us. The bride/groom and their family ate the same meal in their new home on the floor, communal style with their hands while we ate at the beach.

While we were at the Ghoubet, John received a lesson in futa tieing. It was hilarious. A futa is a traditional man's sarong - a tube of cloth that can be tied in several ways around the waist. Although called by a variety of other names, the futa is traditional all over Africa and Southeast Asia. It is warn daily by the nomads in the countryside who usually wrap it short and in a way that lets them run easily to keep up with their goats and camels. Other Djiboutians, Afar and Issa, wear the futa on weekends, or in the evening when they are relaxing and wrap it to be longer and less binding. Some Djiboutians wear them everyday. John has worn his futa several times, but is always unsure of how to keep it from falling off. So, about a month ago, we purchased a traditional money belt, made in Indonesia, to hold it up.

After our lunch, we were escorted back up to Ali and Kadiga's new house in the village. In the Afar culture, the man pays for the entire wedding. He also must furnish a new home for his new bride. In the Islamic Afar culture, a man may have as many as 4 wives, if he chooses. However, each wife must be provided her own private house. Ali has another wife, whom he married 25 years ago and older children. His first wife lives in Djibouti. Kadiga is his second wife and about 20 years his junior.

Over the past 6 months, Ali had built a wooden, 3 bedroom house for Kadiga in Dabala-Gahar. It is the only wooden house there, among the stone houses (tulos) and duboitas (rounded huts). He recently put a fence around it. The house has a large main room, with a very large bedroom off to the right(furnished with a huge bed and huge armoir) and a medium sized room with no inside door to the rest of the house. This room will be used each afternoon and evening, for mabras, the khat chewing that happens with Ali and all of his male village friends. All of the seating is traditional, large pillows on the ground around the periphery of the room. Cooking and toilet facilities are outside.

When we arrived at the home, we were escorted into the main room where Kadiga sat to greet us. She was wearing a beautiful, sweet-smelling lei, made up of hundreds of tiny white flowers from a tree blooming at this time of year in Djibouti. She presented this to me as a gift. I was very touched. Ali told me to keep it it our bedroom and it would make the room smell wonderful. In fact, our house is so small it's fragrance permeated the entire house for a whole week. It was wonderful.

Ali came in to join us with his traditional wedding futa, white shirt with white/colored shawl and crooked cane. We sat together on the pillows while well wishers came to pay their respects, always first greeting the groom and then the rest of us. They brought small gifts of more Khat and we presented Kadiga with some perfume. Traditionally, there are no wedding presents given to the wedding couple. Although, a small gift just for the woman is appreciated.

For three days before the wedding, the Afar bride is doted over by her female family and friends. They oil her body, cover her with lovely henna artwork, cover her in perfume and prepare her for the wedding. After the wedding, the bride and groom do not live together in their new house for three days. This is the Afar tradition.

The pictures above: Ali and Kadiga's new home; John, Ali, Kadiga and Ann in this new home; henna artwork on one of Kadiga's arms; Kadiga holding court in her new home; our lunch table at the Ghoubet; Futa tieing lesson for John with Samuel as the model.